I have this huge purple notebook that I used for journaling, and general note-taking while I was in residential treatment for PTSD. I also had smaller notebooks, one for each specific class. I was leafing through my purple one this morning, and found not only notes and journals, but also some “writings” interspersed among it’s pages. So, I’m going to go through this notebook, page by page, to find all those little random things, and put them in one place. Not for attention, kudos, or critiques. But, for me, to be able to find them all easily, should I wish to revisit them. 

Once upon a time
There was a girl
Who wondered what happened
To the girl she used to be
And why all her joy
Disappeared
The same time the girl did
Did the girl take her joy
Or was it taken from her?
If you steal someone’s joy
Do you collect it
Like a knick-knack
Or just throw it away?
(Maria Appleby 7/12/19) 

Shaded from the Sun
On a hot summer morning
I gaze at the Lake

PTSD hurts
Cold, lonely, sad, mad, and scared
I am here to Heal

Sometimes my Heart hurts
Tears fall like a summer rain
Running down my face

Standing in contrast
Against a hot azure sky
A maple tree grows

Laughter of others
Peals through the shimmery air
I cannot smile in return

(Maria Appleby, all five haikus written on 7/19/19) 

Beautiful sunflowers
Turn their faces toward the sun
Their petals shimmer
(Maria Appleby 8/1/19) 

(My first attempt at a Personal Mission Statement)
I will endeavor to treat every living thing that crosses my path with respect and kindness. I will remain open to learning new things, while honoring and practicing all the good things I’ve learned already. I will be open to the giving and receiving of love. I will forgive others to free myself from the chains of my past. I will remember that to truly love others, I must love myself first.
(Maria Appleby 8/26/19)