(Originally posted on Facebook on 1/19/22.)

Here’s how things went today, for my first official “outing” by myself. I would have preferred it not be a 60 mile round trip via Interstate driving to an office so full of people, but what to do? That’s what it was, and that’s what I had to do.

It was strange driving my dad’s blazer for the first time. First off, I am not used to driving a vehicle that has some power behind it……so a few times when the light turned green…..I took off a bit faster than I intended. Also, I found it comforting in a weird way. His blazer. His presence. Know what I mean? He took such good care of it, and loved to drive, and was in it a lot. I could still feel that.

A good friend checked on me before and after, by text. It gave me something to visualize…..and it was also comforting to know I had someone just a text away if I had a major freak out.

My new pulmonary doctor at the VA is really nice. Thorough, kind, and not critical. Straight shooter (no scare tactics and no candy coating, just tells it like it is). His plan for treatment includes doing another PFT in a few months to see just where we are and if anything needs to change. Continuing increasing physical activity. Meds stay the same for now. Overnight pulse oximetry (I was sent home with equipment for that today) because he wants to see if I de-sat at night.

In addition to seeing him, I checked in with the RT for some education and to discuss equipment, etc.

As for the getting there, and getting home…….I had a lot of trouble trying to get my walker (that fancy wheelie walker the VA gave me when I was up at Tomah) in and out of the blazer by myself. OY! Two VA guys (I think they were maintenance fellows) helped me put it back in…..they saw me struggling out in the parking lot with it. They pulled up and asked if I needed help. Nice guys. I was so frustrated, mad, embarrassed, and thankful all at the same time. I thanked them profusely.

I was very anxious. It made me feel nervous and nauseous. My hypervigilance reared it’s annoying self, so there I was, sitting close to exits. Looking for points of entry and egress. Checking people out quite thoroughly *** STARE*** and listening. I felt very unsafe in the parking lot, the hallways, and the waiting room. I also would not get in the elevator with other people. Which is just as well because people have cooties anyway. I did feel a lot better when I was with the doctor. It’s also helpful because staff are so friendly.

I concentrated on my breathing and visualized my friend and her cats, and kept repeating my personal mantra (in my head, not out loud).

Driving home was OK. About halfway home I laughed out loud while I was driving. Here’s me blasting 80’s music……and all I could think of is Cobra Kai, when Johnny was in the car bebopping along to 80’s music. OK more like head banging. But, still. So anyway, here’s me doing the same thing except I’m not drinking beer, and I’m not pissed off at the world. My brain goes to weird places sometimes. No worries.

When I got home, I was so relieved that I sat in my driveway in the blazer and burst into tears. I didn’t log on and check in when I got home. I was so tired, and so “people’d out” so to speak, I went straight to my room with a few kitties, turned off the light, closed the curtains, and decompressed. So happy when Don got home from work. He checked on me first thing, and decided we would celebrate and order pizza. I’m glad to be home.

So, that’s how my day went.

Thanks for the encouragement and support. I really do appreciate it.